NEXT WEEK IS WINTER FINAL EXAM SECOND YEAR!

Assalamualaikum,,,,

Well, as you can see from the title of this post, it is about FINAL EXAM!!!!

Today is SATURDAY and final exam is on next MONDAY!!!!!

I'm going crazayyyyh.

Ya, sekarang aku basically tengah study sambil blogging sambil dengar lagu Fyn Jamal 'Terbang Tunduk' sambil headbanging bajet feel dengan lagu tu.

Apa perasaan aku sekarang? Sangat CUAKKK. Ini seriyes!

Sebab kan.... sebab kan....

Result CA FM21002 Renal sangat la hancus akibat dari study atas katil then setiap kali study tertidur makanya tak study dan banyak lecture notes yang tak baca. Makanya.. result physio hancus. Dan, aku pun sedikit sebanyak demotivated. BANYAK mungkin..

Aku sedar..... study tak tara mana.. Dan soalan final kot, mungkin susah.

Kenapa stress semacam? Sebab waktu first year aku dah repeat kot, so kalau tak lepas second year mungkin aku kena stop journey aku sampai sini je. Bayangkan.. dari buat medic jadi budak berhenti medic, dari budak oversea mungkin jadi budak berhenti belajar oversea, dari bergerak aktif kat sini jadi................ orang yang bawa reputasi buruk kat sini.

Kadang-kadang diri sendiri tak sedar yang diri ni banyak tanggungjawab. Tanggungjawab dengan Allah.... dengan family... dengan jemaah..... dengan diri sendiri.

Jangan give up.......... jangan give up.... bertahan.....

Pray for myself.

Learning about Depression..

Assalamualaikum..

Wow, what a depress title. Lol.

Well, my life always has it's ups and downs. And there's always problems that I have to face. That's life.. Just get over it.

But, couple of weeks ago, the way I handle them is quite.. not good. I didn't let go. I kept it instead. And the stress accumulated, until there's one point in my life that I feel I'm not being myself.

I look in the mirror but I see another person. Yes, the face is still the same but she's not Zakiah that I knew. The twinkles in her eyes are gone. There's only sadness and despair. And even when I don't perceive my problem as big as it was before, the gloom is still there. I'm sad.. yes, despair without any concrete reason!

I can cry anytime, for any reason. And I just want to escape, run away from everything. I treat a lot of people badly and feel terribly guilty after that.

Until one day when I can't hold on anymore I started to talk and let everything go, well, not really everything, but it's a good start. I found that my mental health is getting better.

It should have a happy ending, but you have to take note that I just pass a phase of depression, so the sadness doesn't go away just like that. I am still very fragile. I'm easily cracked and I always find my inner self breaking apart. And the cycle continues again and again.

But my heart is healing, slowly... insya Allah.

Whenever I feel I'm in the bad situation again, I just need to turn back to Him.

So if you feel the same, just turn back to Him, no matter how unappealing the idea is to you. But believe me, it always works :) with His will.

The Meaning of "Being Myself"

Assalamualaikum,

I once asked my friend, should I be gentle like her? Should I be soft-spoken and ladylike?

Then she answered me, just be yourself.

But now I'm in a dilemma. What exactly being myself means.

Is it means that I can do all the way I want?
But, if I just do things haughtily, it will be baaad.
What will people think of me, is it really proper?
What is my real intention? Or maybe I just want to show off?
Is it get in the way with others sensitivity?

Sigh..

There is a lot of thing to be think about when you started to become adult.

And I still don't find the meaning just yet.

Wassalam.

Tarbiah Babysitter

Assalamualaikum,

So, for more than a week, I changed my carrier from being a maid to a babysitter.

I like kids because they are cute. Awwwwh.... cliche answer!
One more reason why I like kids is because they are so clean and innocent, and you have the ability to paint them. You are their first teacher. You can influence them greatly. Positively.... or negatively.
And they are cute!

There is an easy way to to take care of kids. You  just make them do what you ask them to do by force. They may cry but who cares, it is easier for you.

But you can do it the other way. The haaaard way.

Give your kid a lot of love.

The parents, I used to think they spoiled the girl too much but hey, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us to treat kids kindly. I observe how they treat their child, how they didn't force their daughter to do anything they want but let she do willingly instead. Like taking bath.. etc. It is quite hard, but it gives good impact to the kid. She grows up happily and there are times when she can become such a sweetie.

I now learned about PATIENCE.

Patience is a virtue indeed. Patience needs time and maturity. Your patience will be tested constantly until your last breath.

When you take care of children, you will learn how to be patience with them when:

1) They want you to do what they want

2) They don't want to do what you ask them to do

3) When they make a mess and you clean it. Then they make a mess again

4) When you want to feed them and they are running and playing around

etc..... etc...

The key for everything?                 SABAR.

Wassalam..

Surviving a Heartbreak

Assalamualaikum..

You know, I once liked a guy very much. An average looking kind-hearted guy. I liked him because he is kind.. and nice.. and I could feel the chemistry between us. Kinda cute too (ssssshhhhh..)

And then.. I was told that he is not available. It means that I can't pursue him anymore.

When I first discovered about that, I was brokenhearted to my surprise. I even unfriend him on fb, how immature of me! I was not-so-quickly recovered. It's amazing how 'love' can cause such a pain.

But hey, I am still alive!

I analysed the reason why I liked him so much. So these are the reasons (maybe) :

1) I really rarely communicate with guys, but last year I need to deal with him about some business. So, yeah. Butterfly in my stomach.

2) He is really kind and it's quite rare to find a really nice guy like that. The kind that makes you feel secure if you want him to be your partner for life. Lol

3) We just 'clique'. Or am I the only one who feels like that? 

4) I thought that the feeling was mutual ! Well, I'm just the only one who feels like that.

It's okay, que sera sera.

But wait, I have a confession to make! Actually.. I do stalked him now and then. I even used my senior's fb account to stalk him. (Senorita, please log out of your fb account everytime you use my laptop)

Yes, it's fate that keeps us apart (Ceewah). And.. and.. I think he is too good for me. I myself know my weakness, my flaws....

Time heals... but I need more time.

I hope that he can find his happiness in this dunya and hereafter.

Wassalam.

Being A Maid

Assalamualaikum,

Although my blog is called BeingAPrincess, but sometimes, I can't escape being a maid.

What? I don't want to be a spoiled princess! Hewhew..

One of my senior fractured her leg a few weeks before her exam and my exam finished last week. So I got plenty of free time.... and here I am, a princess with an apron saving a damsel in distress.

Basically, what I did is:
1) sleep
2) cook
3) eat
4) refer number 1

My diet and my exercise regime has been neglected. And now I'm a yoghurt freak. Not the healthy yoghurt but the banana flavoured with choco balls kind of yoghurt.

It's fun staying here. Lot's of laughing buddies..... and delicious food.

Being a maid is not so bad....... although, I plan to hire a maid in the future.

Well, a Princess needs a maid!

A Princess Needs Her Prince

Assalamualaikum.....

What a controversial post title! Well, I can write anything I want. Hewhew..

Every girl has their own criteria in finding their prince charming.
When I was younger.. my criteria is handsome, rich, beriman. Well, I believe all the girls my age think like that.

Then, I get older and my criteria is someone who do the right thing at the right time to the right person. Wow..... so impossible right?

Then..  last year, my criteria is merely someone who have the same way of thinking with me. Se fikrah gitu...

Now, I realized that.. our fate, 'jodoh' has been planned by God and we will never can predict who is destined for us. We can't even be certain whether we will live for.. let's say, another 1 month?

Basically what I want to say is, my prince is my future husband. So, whoever your husband is, he is your prince! Simple as that.

p/s: But still, my type is someone who has chinese/oriental face and cute. Preferably tall and cool. Such an eye candy! (LOVE)

Wassalam..

What is My Life Goal?

Assalamualaikum..

Next week will be my final exam. I'm studying but I know I can do more. Work harder baby! (cheering on myself)

When we do something, we must have a goal. When we do something without a goal, seriously, why do you do that in the first place??

And as a muslim, my first nawaitu, intention, must be 'lillah', because of Allah.

For me, yes, because of Allah, but to make me able to get the vision, I need to be more specific.

Why do I study medicine, for what purpose am I wanting to pass the exam?

Specific.....

I want to be a good muslimah doctor, helping people who get injured, or sick, or unhealthy inside and outside,

I want to be an activist, become the voice of people who are being oppressed,

I want to be a good mother, so that I can raise a better human than myself, who loves Allah more than other else,

I want to raise money so that I can take care of my family, and help the poor,

I want to show to the world that Islam is a true religion, the perfect way of life, it is nothing than what they imagine. Islam is peace, Islam is harmony, Islam is happiness.

I want to become a doctor, an activist, a dai'e, a mother, and.... a servant of Him.

All these things, is just solely 'lillah'.

May my intention stays till the end.

Seeru 'ala barakatillah. <3

How My Blog Has Been Neglected for Years

Assalamualaikum,

Hi there. Well, I decided to make blogging my new hobby. This means that I will write and post new entry frequently.

Why? I just want to compile my memories because I'm a very forgetful person. Like seriously.

My exam will be next week. And I am like, soo unprepared.

I seriously don't know what to do. Nak study tapi cepat distracted. Asyik nak lagha je.......

Takut jugak. Takut fail lagi. Tapi usaha tak kemana.

Rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir

Bismillah....

Menjadi Diriku

Assalamualaikum..

Ni bukan blog yang berhabuk. Tapi dah usang nak runtuh ni. Haha..
Well.... bila dah ter occupied with Facebook and Instragram, memang tak terjenguk la blog.. huhu. Tambah-tambah bila dah ada gadget. Laptop tetiba jadi complicated untuk dibuka. Lol

For me, media sosial is very interesting. There's a lot of new things to be discovered. Memang tak ada batasan dunia virtual ni. Takkan habis untuk kalau kita nak teroka. Tapi... itulah. Ada benda yang tak perlu pun untuk kita tahu, tapi nak menyibuk jugak kan.. dush-dush

(Membetulkan jari untuk menaip)
Eksaited nak tulis blog. Sebab kat blog la boleh membebel panjang-panjang kan.. Tengah stress buat photobook ni.. huhu.

First time dengar lagu "Menjadi Diriku" oleh Edcoustic, rasa happy sangat sebab macam discover something yang boleh buat diriku..... happy. Menjadi diriku, walau apa adanya~

Dalam dunia ni, tak ada orang yang sempurna perfect. Tapi... dalam dunia ni juga, semua orang dilahirkan sempurna. Haaaa... contradict kan!

Actually.. what I mean is 'sempurna', dalam konteks diri dia. Semua orang cantik dari segi fizikal. Cuma dia sendiri yang kena maintain dan polish. Kalau tak usaha exercise makan makanan berkhasiat, memang la ada macam-macam masalah. Simple.

Semua orang dilahirkan suci comel luaran dan dalaman. Apa orang tua-tua cakap, macam kain putih suci gittew... tapi itulah, semakin meningkat usia, makin banyak anasir perosak. Macam makanan fast food yang akan meninggalkan lemak-lemak tak sihat di badan, macam itu jugalah tabiat-tabiat busuk yang dapat meninggalkan kekotoran pada hati.

Tapi.. well, semua orang sedang struggle. Hidup kita memang akan naik turun.

My point is..... bersyukur! Be happy with yourself! Tak cukup cerah? It's okay.. Tak cukup hot? Tak apa.. You are fine just the way you are.

Want to be healthier? better? More fit? Go ahead!

Jom jadi hamba Allah yang rajin berusaha!