Learning about Depression..

Assalamualaikum..

Wow, what a depress title. Lol.

Well, my life always has it's ups and downs. And there's always problems that I have to face. That's life.. Just get over it.

But, couple of weeks ago, the way I handle them is quite.. not good. I didn't let go. I kept it instead. And the stress accumulated, until there's one point in my life that I feel I'm not being myself.

I look in the mirror but I see another person. Yes, the face is still the same but she's not Zakiah that I knew. The twinkles in her eyes are gone. There's only sadness and despair. And even when I don't perceive my problem as big as it was before, the gloom is still there. I'm sad.. yes, despair without any concrete reason!

I can cry anytime, for any reason. And I just want to escape, run away from everything. I treat a lot of people badly and feel terribly guilty after that.

Until one day when I can't hold on anymore I started to talk and let everything go, well, not really everything, but it's a good start. I found that my mental health is getting better.

It should have a happy ending, but you have to take note that I just pass a phase of depression, so the sadness doesn't go away just like that. I am still very fragile. I'm easily cracked and I always find my inner self breaking apart. And the cycle continues again and again.

But my heart is healing, slowly... insya Allah.

Whenever I feel I'm in the bad situation again, I just need to turn back to Him.

So if you feel the same, just turn back to Him, no matter how unappealing the idea is to you. But believe me, it always works :) with His will.